Jen Ryan's Brain's Blog

bad bloggah

2007-11-15T16:01:00.000-05:00

no blog in looong time.
me bad blogger. just so much going on.
off to FL Saturday to do NASCAR and FISH.

American Academy of Cosmetic Surgery President Discusses Kanye West's Mom's Death
November 14, 2007
The tragic death of Donda West, rapper Kanye West's mother, should be a warning to people considering a tummy tuck, said Steven Hopping, president of the American Academy of Cosmetic Surgery.

The procedure, he said, is invasive, risky and often taken too lightly.

West died Saturday from complications related to tummy tuck and breast reduction surgeries she'd received a day earlier. The high-profile doctor who performed the surgeries was not a board-certified plastic surgeon and has twice lost malpractice suits, with several other suits outstanding. Another surgeon had declined to perform the surgeries because West had a heart condition.

I spoke this afternoon Hopping, who said tummy tucks are one of the riskiest cosmetic procedures:

There is no such thing as a minor procedure in cosmetic surgery, and this is a good example. It's not like going to the spa or salon.

Tummy tucks are a big operation, and in my mind, one of the most dangerous cosmetic procedures -- and the patients who have them tend to be a high-risk group. They're older, often they've had children, often they're heavier. [...]

There's risks of strokes, bleeding, post-operative problems. Episodes like this make us look at that. [...] And sometimes it's hard to tell patients about these things, but it's got to be safety first. This is cosmetic surgery.

Surgeons performing the tucks, he said, need to minimize the time a patient spends unconscious consider the possibility of blood clotting. People considering tummy tucks need to be very careful.

Don't combine it with facelifts and other things, as attractive as that is. We see it all the time in patients -- they only want to have one recovery doctor, one anesthetic doctor -- and we fall into that, too. [...]

It really behooves [plastic surgeons] to tell patients that they're really increasing their risks. We need to have the patient involved with a haematologist who's going to help with the anti-coagulation afterwards. [...] In some parts of Europe, it's a standard of care that patients all be on anticoagulation therapy. That's not true here in the United States.

The Zeppelin Ticket Story

2007-10-02T12:25:00.000-05:00

Ok, to my dear friends and Zep freaks, PLEASE DONT KILL ME. This was a lucky shot of all lucky shots. Seriously. Here's what happened.

I visited. www.ahmetertegun.com the second I knew they were doing an internet lotto for the tickets.

The site shut down because of overload, but the next day I managed to register Riks and my mother’s email addresses to go in the pot. You had to provide name, address, tel. and email and were told specifically that this was a lottery and if you were chosen, you HAD to get the tickets.

Then my dad told me that 20 MILLION people signed up. Like we had a chance in hell…but its worth a try.

Skip to 3 weeks later.

My mother emails me saying she got confirmation that “her email was chosen out of 20 mllion to continue in the running” and that they would let her know on Oct 1 if she was chosen. We smile and say “oh well, it’s a one in a million chance, but what the heck, you’re still in.”

I totally forget about it.

Skip to last night about 1030pm. Im in bed, miserable from this sinus infection, and rik comes in the bedroom…with HIS phone…saying its my mother. Im thinking someone has died.

No, its my mother, screaming that SHE GOT A CONFIRMATION CODE. Here IS The email she read me.

I commented halfway through that getting tickets will be more difficult than flying El Al to Israel btw)

I say mom, we HAVE to go. We MUST go. We hit the FUCKING LOTTERY WE HAVE TO GO SEE LED ZEPPELIN BEFORE THEY ALL DIE BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT GETTING BACK TOGETHER EVER EVER AGAIN AND I DON’T CARE ITS $350 A TICKET.

Dad agrees.

Mom stays up until 4am culling together our frequent flyer miles and it turns out we have enough for BOTH of us to fly round trip from Orlando (as I’ll be in FL for thanksgiving anyway!) to London FREE!!!!

Needless to say she bought the tix – they are floor General Admission. I’m SO buying Doc Martens for this one.

Visit WWW.MOTHERSHIPISCOMING.COM
WWW.LEDZEPPELIN.COM
WWW.theo2.co.uk
(a SPECTACULAR VENUE!!)

Begin forwarded message:

> From: "noreply@ahmettribute.com"
> Date: October 1, 2007 10:40:07 PM EDT
> To: (MOM)
> Subject: Ahmet Ertegun Tribute
> Reply-To: "ahmettribute.com"
>
> Email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser.
>
> Congratulations we are very pleased to be able to offer you tickets
> for the Ahmet Tribute concert at the O2 Arena in London on the 26th
> November 2007. Please read the below information carefully before
> you proceed to booking, by continuing to the booking page you are
> agreeing to all the below.

>
> You have 72 hours to book and pay for your tickets.
> Your individual passcode can only be used once and will be invalid
> after the deadline as mentioned above has passed.
> NO tickets will be mailed out. All concert goers must pick up their
> tickets and non-transferable wristbands in advance of the show at
> the O2 Arena between 10am and 6pm on Sunday 25th November and
> between 10am and 6pm on Monday 26th November. To avoid long queues
> on the day of the show you are strongly urged to pick up your
> tickets and wristbands on Sunday 25th November or arrive as early
> as possible on Monday 26th November, please be aware that ticket
> collection will be busy at peak times and you should anticipate
> having to wait to be served.
> To collect the tickets each original purchaser and the person
> accompanying them to the show must be present in order to pick up
> the tickets and wristbands. NO exceptions
> Each original purchaser must provide the actual credit card used
> for the purchase along with valid state-issued PHOTO ID in order to
> receive the tickets and non-transferable wristbands. All wristbands
> will be fitted immediately.
> There will be no exceptions to the above, no name changes or
> letters of authorisation will be accepted under any circumstances.
> On the night of the show EVERYONE will be required to present BOTH
> the WRISTBAND and TICKET for entrance to the show. Wristbands must
> NOT be removed or tampered with prior to entering the show or your
> access will be refused. Original ticketholders must bring photo ID
> to the show as they may be required to present it upon entry to the
> venue.
> The original conditions of sale will be enforced. These tickets are
> non-transferable and any resale will void the transaction without
> refund.
> If you book the tickets and are unable to attend we will refund the
> face value of the tickets (£125 per ticket) if you contact us
> before the 20th October 2007. No refunds will be accepted after
> this date.
> Customers with disabilities should forward this email and contact
> phone number toticketing@theo2.co.uk to book accessible seating
> (subject to availability).
> We are doing our best to keep the tickets for this event out of the
> hands of secondary ticket sellers and in the hands of the fans so
> please help us by adhering to the above.
>
> Your Passcode is XXXXXXXXXX
>
> To purchase tickets please go to the below link and follow the
> instructions to enter your passcode. XXXXXXX
>
> Thank you for supporting the Ahmet Ertegun Education Fund we look
> forward to seeing you there! For more information and FAQ please go
> to www.ahmettribute.com
>
> www.mothershipiscoming.com

IM GOING TO SEE LED ZEP OMG OMG OMG!!!!

2007-10-02T10:00:00.000-05:00

SOMEBODY PINCH ME OVER AND OVER!!!I'M GOING TO LONDON TO SEE LED ZEPPELIN!!!
I'M GOING TO LONDON TO SEE LED ZEPPELIN!!!

EEEEEEEEEEK

2007-10-01T12:20:00.000-05:00

Poor Winnie

Suck Sick Stink

2007-10-01T10:22:00.000-05:00

Happy freakin' monday. I'm sick.

The Dolphins suck.

No, wait...the METS suck.
Eventually some good news will come.

Oh wait, it just did! Radiohead is giving away their new album. But good luck getting on their website as it crashed.

Happy FryDay

2007-09-28T08:10:00.000-05:00

thanks Archie for this one!!!

Thats When I Reach for My Revolver

2007-09-27T09:05:00.000-05:00

The latest on the Myanmar crisis HERE (thanks Andrew Sullivan for the link). These monks need all the support they can get. Today a Japanese journalist was killed by riot police. The world IS watching and we do care.

Yankees clinch playoff berth again last night. Fun to see those locker room celebrations with the cheap stuff!

Scorsese doing a GEORGE HARRISON documentary.

YODA CATS.

Phil Spector got away with murder.

More later.

Michael Vick Can't Leave the House

2007-09-26T13:03:00.001-05:00

ahahahaaaaaaaaaaa

A urine sample submitted by Michael Vick has tested positive for marijuana, and as a result he'll have tighter restrictions on his freedom.

The test was taken on Sept. 13. Because of the positive test, federal court probation officer Patricia Locket-Ross, who is assigned to Vick, asked Judge Henry Hudson to place special conditions on Vick's release, which include refraining from use or unlawful possession of a narcotic drug or other controlled substance.

Also, Vick must submit to any method of testing at any time.

Methods of testing could include urine testing, the wearing of a "sweat patch," a remote alcohol testing system and/or any form of prohibited substance screening or testing.

Vick must also participate in a program of inpatient or outpatient substance therapy and mental health counseling if the pretrial services officer or supervising officer deem it appropriate.

Vick is also now restricted to his residence every day from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. or as directed by the pretrial services officer. The home confinement will include electronic monitoring.

The Story so far.

2007-09-26T08:50:00.001-05:00

Helio Castroneves is hot and can drive really, really fast. Apparently he can also dance. This is not a big surprise, as he is Latino.

Brooklyn's Domino Sugar Factory finally earns "landmark" status.

THE PATRIOTS ARE DEFINITELY CHEATERS AND THE NFL IS COVERING FOR THEM! Dammit all to hell, I love football. Guess I need to find a new sport. The Dolphins really stink this year so maybe its not the worst thing in the world.

Feed the Actresses PLEASE

2007-09-25T11:39:00.000-05:00

WHY WHY WHY...does Hollywood equate starvation with TALENT and require it of its minions?!?

THIS is what eating disorders REALLY look like. (warning: graphic link)

KEIRA...YOU NEED FORCE FEEDING...

and YOU JENNA JAMESON.... COLLAR BONES AND FAKE BOOBS ARE NOT SEXY!!!!

AND WHY COURTNEY WHY...you may be crazy but YOU CAN EAT and BE NUTS AT THE SAME TIME....

Tuesday Musings Etc Etc Etc

2007-09-25T08:30:00.000-05:00

There no gays in Iran. Or the Catholic Church. Good to know!

Read the transcript of our little tin-plated dictator puto here!

Dario Franchitti enters the NASCAR fray.

How many joints in a medical marijuana prescription? Talk to the cops and enter the debate. (LEGALIZE IT ...NOW!!)

SNL loses its only somwhat funny castmember, Maya Rudolph. When will this show get a bullet in the head?

Tony, mein liepschen. NEVER trust the Brits when it comes to cooking anything. EVER. Fun to watch, yes, but their "gourmet" food, even though its now receiving "Raves", for the most part, sucks. If you saw last nights NO RESERVATIONS you'll know what I mean. Crikey, Tony, I learned the meatballs ALWAYS stay apart from the spaghetti from my Italian Mother, Geraldine Bianco, in 1979. My dear sweet fantasy man, how dare you whip up carbonara with meatballs? Can we say BLECH? I love you Tony, but next time try a Batali or Bastanatich cookbook when it comes to Italian. Get the caponata from a jar like I do. No one can tell the difference. Better yet, just call me. I'll even babysit!

Canadian Catholics apparently Smarter than Americans

2007-09-21T10:32:00.000-05:00

Canadian Catholics lift opposition to cancer vaccine

I actually watched about 3/4 of KID NATION. Kinda got dumb when they offered the kids prizes for good behavior/gold stars. Still, I'll watch it if theres nothing else on.

Lana Clarkson apparently walked into a near total strangers house and killed herself...at least that's what a jury in LA is assuming....

Bush thinks Nelson Mandela is dead.

Just nasty....\

MOVEON.org doing more to harm the Democratic party than any Nazi-er-Republican candidate could...

You talkin to me, Rubber duckie?

2007-09-20T14:53:00.001-05:00

BRILLIANT
BRILLIANT BRILLIANT!!!

What Should Happen to Barry Bonds' #756 Ball?

2007-09-18T13:36:00.000-05:00

check it out, and cast your vote!!
A great idea.

Brettt!

2007-09-18T09:47:00.001-05:00

BRETT SOMERS IS BLANK

2007-09-17T11:25:00.000-05:00

You may have heard Brett Somers died this weekend. In her will she requested she be buried in _____________

Actress Brett Somers Dies in Westport Home at 83

Brett Somers at a Westport Historical Society exhibit in November 2003 in front of a picture of herself upper right. Somers’ son, Adam Klugman, said she died Saturday at her Willow Walk home near Staples High School.

She married actor Jack Klugman, star of the television shows “Quincy” and “The Odd Couple,” in 1953. The two separated in 1974, but never divorced. Somers appeared on several episodes of “The Odd Couple,” playing the ex-wife of Klugman’s character.

Later in her career, she appeared in a cabaret show, “An Evening with Brett Somers.”

Born Audrey Somers in New Brunswick, Canada, Somers grew up near Portland, Maine.

She moved to New York at age 18 to pursue a career in acting and eventually became a U.S. citizen.

She changed her first name to Brett after the lead female character in the Ernest Hemingway novel “The Sun Also Rises.”

Somers began her career in the theater and made early television appearances in theatrical programs such as “Philco Playhouse,” “Kraft Theater Playhouse 90.” and “Robert Montgomery Presents.”

Her Broadway debut, in the play “Maybe Tuesday,” lasted for five performances in 1958. Elsewhere, she appeared onstage in “Happy Ending,” “Seven Year Itch” and “The Country Girl” opposite Klugman.

After Somers and Klugman married in 1953, they had two sons, Adam and David. The actress also had a daughter, Leslie, from a previous marriage.

In the 1970s, Somers became well known as a regular on TV’s “The Match Game,” in which she traded barbs with her close friend and fellow panelist Charles Nelson Reilly.

When Klugman appeared on the first week of the show in 1973, he suggested that producers sign his wife as a regular.

She was an immediate hit and remained on the panel for the rest of its nine-year run.

She continued to perform after being diagnosed with cancer, including the 2003 cabaret show, “An Evening With Brett Somers.”

She made occasional appearances in Westport in recent years-in 2003 at a Westport Historical Society exhibit of television personalities from the area, and a 2005 charity benefit at Mitchells of Westport.

Her son said she was caustic, irreverent and a self-declared bohemian.

“She maintained her independence till the end, and her irreverence,” Adam Klugman said. “She died very much at peace.”

Late today, GSN, formerly the Game Show Network, announced that it will honor Somers in an all-day marathon Saturday.

The Somers’ “Match Game” tribute will air from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. ET and will feature some of the best moments from her years of work on one of America’s all-time favorite game shows.

Immediately following the “Match Game” marathon, GSN’s original documentary, “The Real Match Game Story: Behind the Blank,” airs from 4 p.m. to 5 p.m. ET.

Additionally, on Sunday night (Monday morning) Sept. 23 at 3:30 a.m. ET, GSN will air an episode of “Password” from 1971 where she appeared with then-husband Jack Klugman, as the other celebrity guest.

Posted 09/17 at 02:07 PM

RIP BRETT
may you, Charles, and Gene be having a GREAT MATCH GAME IN THE SKY tonight!!!

DAMMIT she was great

Patriots are Stinkin' Lyin' Cheaters

2007-09-14T08:11:00.000-05:00

THEY CHEAT. They got caught.
Belicheck should resign.
He's a fraud. Genius? My left tuchas!
As a football fan and as much as I hate the Pats, this comes as no surprise. Rumors of their improprities have swirled for years.
Its a blight on the game, a blight to the sport, and they should rescind ALL of their Super Bowl wins.
No, seriously!!!

Imitrex....

2007-09-12T09:14:00.000-05:00

Yeah, youve seen the commercials...suffering from migraines? Take Imitrex at the first sign and go about your happy day...HA. At the first onset of yesterday's migraine I took 1/3 of an IMITREX and passed out for 5 hours; then took another 1/3 and passed out for ANOTHER 4 hours. Now my back hurts from sleeping so much.

In any event at least the migraine has gone away. And it thankfully allowed me to miss all the 9-11 bassa bassa, for the most part. I did get to catch my Uncle Greg on the History Channel "Day the Towers Fell" doc -- recounting the amazing marine rescue that took place, and went largely unreported, on that day. He and many other captains rescued over 30,000 people from the island that day and brought them to safety. Greg spent another 9 days at the site rescuing animals from abandoned and uninhabitable apartments. He earned a lifetime achievement award from the ASPCA and the Humane Society for his efforts.

He doesnt' talk about that time much, and I dont blame him. I was almost on the boat he took down to the North Cove Marina at 920am, just after the second plane hit. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I was still at my subletted apartment, having overslept.

Dead Parrot News: Alex, the verbally prolific birdie, is now pushing up the daisies
is no more, bereft of life....

Amy Winehouse Live

2007-09-07T10:39:00.001-05:00

here we go....

Friday Friday Friday

2007-09-07T08:28:00.000-05:00

Walking to work this morning:

Exiting the subway at 47thst I was greeted by two pigeons mating in the middle of 7th Avenue.

Amazing, the only people having sex in Times Square arebirds.

Like, OMIGOD! I'm soooo excited! Osama's like - got a new video! He's soooo hot....

I liked him with the LONGER beard but that is soooo last year... I can't wait for the duet with Kanye.

As for Cate as Bob, Rik and I agreed that she gets the plum source material for this "imaginary/all-true" biopic. His Don't Look Back London days = his diva days...and who better to play the legend-of-his-own-making Bob than a woman playing a diva? Looks like a good flick, unlike Across the Universe... any movie containing Beatles music or based on Beatles music that ISNT ABOUT THE BEATLES ... well, sucks. The Bee Gees and Frampton, anyone?

I did background work for a riot scene in Across nearly 18 mos ago -- which is the only reason I'll ever rent it. Spending a day braless, lawless, and dodging smoke bombs and fake National Guardsmen at Grant's Tomb was a hoot and a half. Granted I got a sinus infection from all the smoke, but period pieces are pretty fun to do b/g on. If you watch Far From Heaven you see the back of my boufaint hairdo'ed head.

This weekend: getting new headshots, working on my Halloween costume (early, I know, but it takes some prep) and resting my tired, sore, torn up ankle. I can't catch a break.

The Mirror - WOW!!!!

2007-09-06T14:49:00.001-05:00

The Fat Man has Sung.

2007-09-06T08:45:00.001-05:00

]Luciano Pavarotti, the Italian singer whose ringing, pristine sound set a standard for operatic tenors of the postwar era, died early this morning at his home in Modena, in northern Italy. He was 71.

And then there's THIS KID....OMG.

DEATH WATCH: PAVAROTTI

2007-09-05T14:38:00.000-05:00

MILAN (Reuters) - Luciano Pavarotti is unconscious and his kidneys have stopped working, E' TV Antenna Uno television station in Modena, the tenor's home town, reported on Wednesday. Pavarotti's condition is "very grave," the television said, citing unnamed sources, director Giovanni Mazzoni said. Pavarotti, who was released from hospital on August 25 after undergoing more than two weeks of tests and treatment, is at home in the company of family and close friends, the television station said.

Dead by midnight is my guess. And still fat. But not THIS fat:
Or this fat:

Cutest. Baby. EVER!!!

2007-09-05T09:13:00.000-05:00

Meet Ayla Sansone! exactly 6 months old on the day this photo was taken.
A drool monster. A cutie. Has a dog she loves. Parents who go gooooo over her.

Boston was a hoot, as always. The only complaint is that we ate out waaaay too much and that is just not good for my stomach, which is accustomed to home cooking nearly every night.

Speaking of things not good for ones stomach, how about baking cookies on your dashboard. That's right, with terrifying recipe included.

RIP Hilly Kristal

2007-08-29T13:36:00.000-05:00

I see the passionate who killed themselves with drink

Or drugs or speeding cars in order not to think

They must have felt like there just nothing was to do

Oh why hast thou murdered those who see the most in search of a true thrill or clue

Don't die, don't die, don't die, don't die...

There's something wrong here where the best ones want to go

Parker, Lautreamont, Monroe

they held it just to throw

The world away who were its grace before they left

To choose to have a point of view oblivious that leaves the rest of us bereft

There I see the piercing eyes that look through all u

ntil they see their back

There where any thought will think about itself and that's the only fact

There a man has left just death, delerium, and drugs,

or feel the lack

The air is cool today the time is drawing near

My walls are white and so's my brain afloat in self-made fear

A banal feeling of the sort "I ain't insane"

No fate worse than to never leave yourself

and it's as well the most repulsive pain

The air is cool today that whistles through my ribs

My skull is full of sand that dribbles down upon my bib

I call out "Baby" but her face looks like a clock

Tick tock, alive, triumphant victims so surprised

we can't recover from the shock

Me, I like a joke as much as anybody else

but some are rough

Yeah when the joke's on you though you're the joker too you've had enough

Then though there is no one there, because there's nothing there,

you call your bluff

-Richard Hell and the Voidoids

OMG Lost! Time Travelling Bunnies!

2007-08-15T09:33:00.001-05:00

I cannot stress how much I love LOST. This video played at Comic Con and seems to support the theory that the "island" exists in a temporal time rift...something I suspected all along.

Dario Franchitti Has a Death Wish AAAAAAAH

2007-08-14T22:16:00.001-05:00

what the flip.....
aw hell
TAKE A WEEK OFF WITH ASHLEY JUDD...MAKE A BABY OR SOMETHING...

Dario Franchitti Must Have a Death Wish

2007-08-13T09:15:00.001-05:00

or likes to go upside down at 200mph.
WTF!?!?!?

MERV THE ELEVATOR KILLER

2007-08-12T13:59:00.001-05:00

From the awesome MAN WITH TWO BRANS....

The Merv Griffin Set

2007-08-12T13:54:00.001-05:00

LONG LIVE MERV

Trifecta of Death

2007-08-10T11:52:00.001-05:00

current odds of Death By Monday

MERV GRIFFIN 3-1

PAVAROTTI 10-1

EL JEFE 20-1

GET WELL AMY WINEHOUSE...

dammit girl quit the horse and someday we'll hit the pub together and have a pint or six ....

Raw Meeeet!!!

2007-08-08T10:19:00.001-05:00

generate your own LOL cats.... http://www.icanhascheezburger.com/

Dario Franchitti Goes For A Ride

2007-08-08T09:44:00.001-05:00

yes he's fine.....

2007-08-08T09:28:00.001-05:00

Saw BB KING and Rev. Al Green at the Garden last night!! Totally amazing and a 100% RAWK!!! Finally, after all this time, I heard Lucille...baby the thrill is NOT gone....

MTA, you Suck. I mean it, You Suck. I was the only train to go through the tunnel at Qboro and its a damn good thing I dont get claustrophobic on the new N trains or they'd have hauled me off to the loony bin. a 20 minute trip took 90 minutes and at least I got here! Some folks were 3 hours late and most didnt even bother coming in today.

Robby Gordon, you're a massive douchebag. Lewis Hamilton wins, again, and Fernando Alonso goes WAAAAAAAA.....

Barry Bonds, congrats. To the guy who caught the ball....well...this is a scream if you're a Yankee fan:

SAN FRANCISCO -- As he high-fived other fans, New Yorker Matt Murphy, 22, slid the ball into the back pocket of his plaid Bermuda shorts. "Glad to be here, man," Murphy told KNTV's Daryl Hawks on his way out of AT&T Park. A team of San Francisco police officers moved in, extracted Murphy from the crowd, and quickly led him through a tunnel and into a secure room. "Murphy and a friend were en route to Australia and in San Francisco for a one-day layover, a Giants spokesman said. They purchased tickets just before the game. He and the friend, dressed in New York Yankees regalia, were razzed by nearby Giants fans. "Hey, this isn't New York!" one shouted. Murphy and his friend just laughed it off before settling into their seats. Murphy declined to make himself available to the media.

Some Wedding Pix Part I

2007-08-06T10:14:00.000-05:00

Mr. & Mrs. Jon Springer

2007-08-02T12:27:00.000-05:00

Strangers in the night exchanging glances
Wondring in the night
What were the chances wed be sharing love
Before the night was through.

Something in your eyes was so inviting,
Something in you smile was so exciting,
Something in my heart,
Told me I must have you.

Strangers in the night, two lonely people
We were strangers in the night
Up to the moment
When we said our first hello.
Little did we know
Love was just a glance away,
A warm embracing dance away and -

Ever since that night weve been together.
Lovers at first sight, in love forever.
It turned out so right,
For strangers in the night

It Ain't My Fault! (did I do that?)

2007-07-26T09:17:00.000-05:00

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....."That wasn't my cocaine" will go down in infamy with great one liners such as "Saddam has weapons of mass destruction" and "I did not have sexual relations with that woman". Rule #1: They are NEVER YOUR DRUGS, youre just "holding them for a friend"...and is she actually claiming she was wearing "someone else's pants"?!?

D'OH!!! Seeing the SIMPSONS movie at midnight! Sleep be damned!!

Oh, god...how can I not post about DEATH KITTY!! AKA the Grim Rea-purrrrr... Then again I cant agree more with how nice the sound of a sweet purr would be if it were the last thing you hear as you were fading away.

Had a fun ass rehearsal last night for AMERICAN MIDOL. Todd, you are TOO funny, my friend...too funny. The CA sketch will knock 'em dead, I'm tellin' ya.

Three words: THE HUMAN FLOOR

Off to Jon's wedding tomorrow! The plan is to take 3431 Xanax on the plane so I can sleep until I arrive at the Inn and arrive refreshed so I can down bottle after bottle of booze until I look like this at the end of the weekend.
Until then!!!

I wont go! No! No!

2007-07-24T09:05:00.000-05:00

They tried to make me go to rehab
I said no, no, no.
Yes I been black, but when I come back
You wont know, know, know.

I ain’t got the time
And if my daddy thinks im fine
He’s tried to make me go to rehab
I wont go, go, go.

I’d rather be at home with ray
I ain’t got 70 days
Cos there’s nothing, nothing you can teach me
That I can't learn from Mr. Hathaway

Didn’t get a lot in class
But I know it don’t come in a shot glass

They’re tryin to make me go to rehab
I said no, no, no
Yes I been black, but when I come back
You wont know, know, know.

JEEEZ TRY WEED ALREADY...GIVE UP THE BOOZE...AND BLOW...PLEASE....

Happy Monday, eh?

2007-07-23T09:20:00.000-05:00

COUNTDOWN TO JON'S WEDDING - 6 days
COUNTDOWN TO LIVER FAILURE - 9 days
COUNTDOWN TO AMERICAN MIDOL - 16 DAYS

-Tammy Faye goes to the big mascara tube in the sky. I admire her bravery in both her fight against cancer, having the balls to go on tv 48 hours before she died, and her unending compassion for persons with HIV/AIDS, especially in the early 80's, when even saying the word AIDS was taboo. However I can't help but think of the millions of dollars she and her felon husband (s) pilfered "in the name of God".

-Praise the Lord, Part II: BIG news about Bill & Betty Holland....

my somewhat-alter-ego...but more on that soon...want to keep a few things under the hat, for now. But do join us at Under St. Marks tomorrow for a quick visit!

-Professional sports referees MUST be regulated. Its beyond insane that out of the four major sports in this country, only MLB and the NHL pay their referees a yearly salary. Not keeping referees on the league's payroll is like having an open door at a bank vault and puts the sports at a very high risk, as we have seen, for game-fixing, point shaving, and fraud.

-F1 race at Nurburgring! Holy cow, (hopefully this link works) you've never seen hysterical until you watch 7 Formula 1 cars, 800 HP and 18000 RPM, with BALD racing tires, fly off the same rain-drenched corner one after the other, and pile into each other as if a 5 year old were throwing Matchbox cars! Luckily no injuries, but Liuzzi almost took out the pace car. After the mess and a slew of tire changes, Fernando Alonso (pictured, left) gets the win for McLaren. If the link doesn't work simply youtube search "F1 July 22 2007"

-Scott Dixon is the hottest driver in any racing class, taking his 3rd win in a row at Mid-Ohio.

And I hope Harry Potter was printed on recycled paper. Not counting on it, though.

ROFL and thanks NFL.com!

2007-07-19T14:22:00.000-05:00

for the ability to preview your "custom" NFL jersey and then screen cap-it!

Suspend that Pig Michael Vick

2007-07-18T11:10:00.000-05:00

https://community.hsus.org/campaign/US_2007_dogfighting_nfl2?source=gaba6w
click HERE to send a letter to the NFL!!!

Legalize it, Don't Criminalize It, and by the way, the Music Didn't Die

2007-07-12T08:25:00.001-05:00

Sanity from the right?! Say it's so! From the notoriously fascist ORLANDO SENTINEL, of all places...

If marijuana were legalized, regulated and taxed at the rates applied to alcohol and tobacco, revenues would reach about $6.2 billion annually, according to an open letter signed by 500 economists who urged President Bush and other public officials to debate marijuana prohibition. Among those economists were three Nobel Prize winners, including the late Milton Friedman of Stanford's Hoover Institution

.

The whole article HERE!

Another fine, upstanding, moral 90% positive-rated-by-the-Naz- er- Christian Coalition gets busted for soliciting naughty things in public mens' rooms....gotta love this

Huzzah! Good music is alive and well in NYC. Tune in at 1pm today (or click HERE to listen) for the return of oldies radio. Now just hire my dad and all will be well....

BILL AND BETTY HOLLAND will be making a guest appearance at...
UNDER ST. MARKS
TUESDAY JULY 24TH @ 8PM
as part of a bigger variety show

Lady Bird tweets in heaven.

Happy Birthday Brett Somers!

2007-07-11T11:47:00.000-05:00

For her birthday (even though they're dead), Gene and Charles got Brett a cake made of ____________.

Madonna is Courtney, Part II

2007-07-10T09:23:00.001-05:00

You be the judge.
Oh, and this, for fun:

Madonna is Now Courtney Love

2007-07-09T08:32:00.001-05:00

Madonna's newest "incarnation"? She's Courtney Love! Wicked awesome! More yoga, less bipolar medication. Used to LOVE Courtney. Now, she looks like this. Her set (Madonna's) at Live Earth kicked ass.

NOTE: DUE TO VIACOM BEING DOUCHEMONKEYS THEY PULLED THIS, AND ALL OTHER MADONNA AT LIVE EARTH STUFF FROM YOUTUBE. GOD FORBID ANYONE SEE THE WHOLE THING, NAH....

Watched most of the LIVE EARTH concert both online and on like 2435 different channels (due to it being about 104 degrees this weekend and my needing some time to veg at home), all of the coverage seemed to jump randomly between live feed and pre-taped bits, from city to city, with no rhyme or reason. Tres frustrating NOT to see the Police's entire set until we happened to flip back to BRAVO at 11pm; and its a good thing we watched Madge on the internet or we wouldnt have seen HER whole set...and where the hell was U2, Dylan, et als? More on that travesty here....

WCBS-FM rumored to be making a comeback. Hopefully, without their terminal DJ's, all of whom were paid out of their contracts and have now found greener pastures. But as my father says, its a good thing to have the oldies back in the #1 market in America...its good for all of us!
In sports this weekend, Roger Federer, Venus, Jamie, Kimi, and a scrum after the IRL race! (Lewis Hamilton, driver spectaculaire and leading candidate for Hottie of the Year, finished 3rd in his home GP.)

Best. Fridge. Ever!

Thanks to Jordin and Eric for a killer brunch on July 4th (nice to meet you, too, Lucy!), and to Robert for the fireworks invite!

Countdown to Revelry : Jon & Liz get married in 19 days. Should I rest my liver now?

And because other than Fatty and Joey nuzzling you on a Sunday morning, there's nothing better than a cute puppy:

Tuesday's Thoughts

2007-07-03T09:05:00.000-05:00

Tuesday's Brain:

Hy Zaret, whom you have never heard of, who wrote a song you have heard a billion times, dies.

Beverly Sills hits high G's in the sky.

Impeach the bastard(s) already.
Lewis Hamilton has been discovered by pop-tarts. (with excellent photos)
LOL Cats. You. Must!
Washington State says you can only have 60 days' worth of weed at a time. What about day 61? Also here:

I have no plans for the 4th except sleeping in.

Oh, and maybe listen to the national anthem a few times. A brilliant article HERE on the Hanson Brothers and the enduring genius of Slapshot.

Bollocks! Its Friday!

2007-06-29T08:23:00.001-05:00

Crikey!! Call Pete and Kate! Bring on the party!

Great article here about Chris Benoit, the pro wrestler who murdered his family before taking his own life, and the immediate blaming of "steroid rage" with little or no proof thereto.

The Spice Girls are reuniting. Rik is already drooling. Meanwhile, Paris Hilton smokes Maui Wowie to escape the horrors of her time as a prison bitch.

Next week in the blog world: tackling the idiocy of "freegans", vegans who eat only discarded food. As if eating no animal products weren't enough, now you have to eat and live off other people's garbage in order to lead an "ethical" life. When are these "lunatics" going to be "declared incompetent" or realize they can get "diseases" and "sick" from eating trash?

Enjoy the weekend. Wish I had time to see movies like SICKO and RATATOUILLE but alas we have a read thru and then much needed social time with Mel and Buffy, and brunch on Sunday with Bubbe and Kenny (FYI, gents, the Concert for Diana starts at noon on VH1!! You'd better get it on your cable...)

Hugh Laurie? Yes, please.

2007-06-28T12:10:00.000-05:00

Dear Dr. House. Whenever I see you on TV I get raging goosebumps and a tingly, warm, semi-orgazmic feeling rolls all through my aching pores. Is there anything you can do (with your clothes off)to help me? Thanks and purr ---

Larry King Sucks

2007-06-27T08:38:00.000-05:00

I mean,we all knew that, right? How he owes the Forge restaurant $50,000 for his never-paid tab? How he sucks people's ass at the drop of a penny?
How he kept interrupting THE FREAKING BEATLES last night? Jesus, I was surprised Paul didn't break out a 'jazz cigarette' and just fire it up he was so frustrated with the asinine questioning. Larry, you're old, nobody cares, and GIVE IT UP YOU COOT. YOU SUCK. Bad. No, I wont loan you $50. No, I wont watch your show. Nobody cares, Larry. Just shut up and go away.

At least Paul and Ringo look great. (Paul, perhaps, looks a little yummier than he should at 65)

Random Bloggorific Thoughts on a Steamy Tuesday

2007-06-26T09:06:00.000-05:00

-iPhone: Wait a year and it will be free with a new 2 year AT&T Contract. Though they are cheaper than a laptop.

-I posted new pictures on FLICKR... check 'em out if you dare.

-STOMACH ROT must be going around town. I had it Th-Fri-Sat; my friend Leonard caught it Sat-Sun, therefore postponing a Pride brunch I was looking forward to over the weekend. Thanks, all you virus-laden tourists, for coughing all over our subway system and allowing me to gain what felt like 5 dress sizes due to my distended abdomen.

-working on a few new sketches for the PUNCH 59 show AUGUST 7TH!

A great article here on the Beatles on the heels of the 40th anniv. of Sgt. Pepper and the anniversary of John & Paul's first meeting

-temping at a lovely place, lovely people, great vibe, and no shootings 2 blocks away....at least, none that I know of.

-PAUL, RINGO, Yoko, and Olivia Harrison on Larry "Loan me Fifty Dollars" King tonight!

-BONG HITS 4 JESUS .... how about BONG HITS FOR SCOTUS?

MORE TO COME...

Lewis Hamilton

2007-06-20T10:32:00.000-05:00

If you're not keen to him, you should be.
In his first seven Formula One starts he has finished in the top three SEVEN TIMES...and has won TWO RACES IN A ROW. And he's only 22! And he's cuuute!

http://www.lewishamilton.com/page1.asp

BLOOOOOOMBEEERRRGGG!

2007-06-20T10:31:00.000-05:00

Love it, love it!
Here's my dream '08 election boondoggle

Hillary/Obama vs Thompsono/Guiliani vs. Bloomberg/Gore

The winner will be decided by a wrestling match.

Its Bill and Betty! Praise the Lord!

2007-06-13T16:04:00.000-05:00

Joey "Walnuts" Ramone Gets It!

2007-06-13T11:16:00.000-05:00

At least our cat understands the ending.

At Kendras Graduation at Washington and Lee U!!!

2007-06-11T20:28:00.000-05:00

terminally sunny....we moved in the shade....90 degrees even there!

Sopranos Ending - YALL GOT IT WRONG!

2007-06-10T23:28:00.000-05:00

Talk about the MAKE YOUR OWN ENDING.

1_ Tony looks at the family, happily nibbling onion rings.

TONY
See everyone in this restarurant? Theyre all FBI. I'm going to be indicted on multiple crimes tonight and although Im going to prison, I want to make sure I take care of you all. I love you. YOu are my life and my legacy.

etc

2) man in MEMBERS ONLY JACKET OPENS FIRE with a LARGE GUN he has had hidden in his MEMBERS ONLY JACKET
TONY, MEADOW, CARMELA, AND AJ are KILLED with a HAIL OF BULLETS.

CUT TO BLACK

3) Tony, Carmela, AJ, and Meadow order a main course. They talk about how Sil is doing and how they think his wife should pull the plug. And life goes on.

incredible stuff. We have watched this wonderful series for ten years, given it our ba fangul, gabba gool, and Paulie Walnuts. You have seen countless plotlines unfinished; well you get to decide how to judge these generally evil folks. Make your own lessons.

Just got back from DC. Promise, up dates. promise....CHARLEEEEE

Leslie Armstrong RIP

2007-05-31T18:38:00.000-05:00

I had the great privilege to know Leslie for nearly three yeras, having woken up many an early morning with her to be her producer on THE CLEAN AND SOBER HOUR. She, Steve S. and I had many a laugh and always felt great about helping those in crisis at the oft lonely hour of 6am on a sunday. but we were there, sugared and coffeed, smiling and enjoying life for what it is and was, a strange, sometimes lonley ride. But never without wisdom, which Leslie was rarely without. She is in my thoughts and in my heavy heart tonight. GOD SPEED LESLIE on your amazing new journey!

Posted on Thu, May. 31, 2007

LESLIE ARMSTRONG, 50 Radio show aided addicts
BY DAVID SMILEY dsmiley@MiamiHerald.com
Leslie Armstrong, a Miami-based mental health counselor who turned addiction into inspiration over radio airwaves, died May 22 in New Orleans. She was 50.

The cause has yet to be determined, her mother, Vera Armstrong, said.

An employee of the Loews New Orleans Hotel found Armstrong dead in her hotel bed, her mother said. Armstrong was in New Orleans to lecture at Tulane University.

Armstrong offered advice to listeners on the local radio program Clean and Sober Hour, which ran at 6 a.m. on WZTA-FM (94.9) from 1990 until 2002, and most recently on Sirius Radio's Meet the Shrink, a program affiliated with the Howard Stern Show.

Every Sunday morning on Clean and Sober, Armstrong would field calls, often from people who had been out all night partying. She also interviewed guests, including Steven Tyler of Aerosmith and Maurice Gibb of the Bee Gees.

''She helped thousands of people,'' said Joe's Stone Crab co-owner Steve Sawitz, a friend.

Born Feb. 1, 1957, Armstrong became a successful stock and commodities broker by the age of 30.

But along with her success, she had developed an addiction. Despite promising herself that she would never drink after she was thrown through a car windshield as a young girl during an accident involving a drunken driver, Armstrong became a heavy drinker and developed a painkiller habit.

She checked into South Miami Hospital's addiction treatment program in the late 1980s and afterward began counseling other addicts. Eventually, she became program director of Glenbeigh Hospital's chemical dependency unit.

''She was proud of her recovery and extremely secure in her sobriety,'' said friend Tara Solomon.

Armstrong earned a master's degree from Barry University and would have earned a doctorate had she completed her dissertation, Solomon said.

When she wasn't listening to others' problems, Armstrong often was relaxing at her favorite hangout, Joe's Stone Crab.

''I think it was cozy for her,'' Sawitz said. ``She felt comfortable here.''

In fact, Armstrong liked Joe's so much she married her second husband, Olivier Leclary, in the restaurant's courtyard in 1998. The couple divorced in 2003.

Friend Shelley Kravitz, a Miami-Dade County Court judge, married the couple.

''We'd always been close, but that's the highest honor, to have your close friend want you to perform the wedding ceremony,'' Kravitz said.

Sawitz said some of his best memories of Armstrong came in the restaurant. That's where the friends met once a week to enjoy dinner and also where she met President George W. Bush in 2006.

''Without question, I'm a better person for having known her,'' Sawitz said.

Along with her mother, Armstrong is survived by brother Lance.

Services will be at noon Friday at Fred Hunter's Memorial Service, 6301 Taft St., Hollywood.

update your blog! update your blog!

2007-05-22T09:30:00.000-05:00

ok, ok, so be it. Even in a semi caffienated state...

had a damn fun show last night at the B'way Comedy Club with PUNCH 59. Wish you were there, but at least one of you was, and you know who you are .... because i dont want to piss you off!

Despite one blood boiling tech blunder (come on, you KNEW the entire bit was a VO, JUST RAISE THE LEVEL PLEASE!!!) all went well. The show was taped so as soon as I can I'll YOUTUBE it.

Drugs Er Bad, M'Kay?

2007-04-25T13:17:00.000-05:00

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The marijuana being sold across the United States is stronger than ever, which could explain a growing number of medical emergencies that involve the drug, government drug experts on Wednesday.

Analysis of seized samples of marijuana and hashish showed that more of the cannabis on the market is of the strongest grade, the White House and National Institute for Drug Abuse said.

They cited data from the University of Mississippi's Marijuana Potency Project showing the average levels of THC, the active ingredient in marijuana, in the products rose from 7 percent in 2003 to 8.5 percent in 2006.

National Institute on Drug Abuse Director Dr. Nora Volkow fears the problem is not being taken seriously because many adults remember the marijuana of their youth as harmless.

"It's really not the same type of marijuana," Volkow said in a telephone interview.

"This could explain why there has been an increase in the number of medical emergencies involving marijuana."

Just a sec, Tex. Medical emergencies involving marijuana? What could that possibly be? Emergency hospitalization for overconsumption of beer nuts, herb tea, and cold pizza? And how does one go to work for the UMiss Marijuana Potency Study?

Why do American politicans refuse to admit they've lost? They lost Vietnam, they lost Iraq, the war on drugs....its hearts and minds they ahve to win, and you dont do that by shooting people or prohibition. Cancer patients are forced to go to street dealers for medical marijuana, only compounding the problem. Even Canada jacks up the price of their medical pot by 155%!

SO worth the read

2007-04-24T15:34:00.001-05:00

Especially if you had to read these things for a living, like I did at one point.
Unf. Iggy wasn't touring when I was around.
Dammit!
Truly, truly priceless.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/backstagetour/iggypop/iggypop1.html

Me Bad, Me No Update

2007-04-24T08:28:00.000-05:00

Perhaps I'm just getting a hang of the thing, perhaps other crap has been going on...perhaps eh, I dont wanna share my brain with you, eh?

Therefore, some updates

-Finally warm here. Got a sunburn this weekend.

-Have been temping steadily and don't miss working in medical offices one drop.

-Getting back into the sketch comedy game; show scheduled for May 21st here in NYC. Details forthcoming...

-Still pissed about the Va. Tech "loner with a gun". No - loners live in cabins in the woods and shoot squirrels for food, not live on a 28,000 student campus with a roommate. He didn't "fall through the cracks" either. His parents "prayed for God to help him" instead of taking him to a psychiatrist or - how's this - yanking his ass from school the day he got declared not competent by a court. If I tried to kill myself when I was away at college my father would have been there in Star Trek beam down time to bring me home until things stabilized. This is a case of criminal parental neglect, plain and simple. They didn't give their child the help they needed, instead, they cowered in the corner of Christianity. Enough. RIP to those whose lives he cut short.

-RIP to Harriet, Jonathan's grandmother. She passed in her sleep after a long illness. She had no greater happiness than the happiness of her family and for that, we are grateful. As Jon said, "Siege and Harriet are finally reunited....drinking martinis....Judy and Lloyd are doing the cooking."

-RIP to abortion rights. This letter to today's NYTIMES sums it up:

To the Editor:

Re “A Sharp Turn for the Supreme Court on Abortion” (letters, April 20):

I am a rheumatologist caring for a patient whose lupus nephritis is flaring. Her creatinine is rising as her platelet count falls, and she has failed to improve with pulse methylprednisolone and intravenous cyclophosphamide. I am contemplating using rituximab. I would like to refer this case to the United States Supreme Court for its guidance.

Richard Zweig, M.D.
Santa Rosa, Calif., April 20, 2007

MAZEL TOV!

-Oh, and as for "living green"...use less toilet paper, take shorter showers, yeah yeah....Rik and I did a quick inventory of hte things we ALWAYS do to conserve, and frankly, we're doing pretty well. We always unplug appliances when we aren't using them, use power strips for our plugs, have new windows in the apt, wash everything but our sheets and towels in cold water, dont own cars, use public transportation, use corn-based cat litter that is flushable, we try whenever possible to eat meat and produce from local sources/organic, recycle our cans and glass, and we dont drink water from plastic bottles. We're going to splurge on some non-toxic cleaning products in the next few weeks; Shaklee has a good deal going on their website; its $50 to get a "starter kit" that is supposed to last 6 months. So no crap from anyone about me not being environmentally friendly. Not that that's ever happened, but you never know. If we all do one small thing it will make a difference. Maybe; but if the bees disappear we have 5 years, I'll say F-it and take up coal mining.

PART II: The Race

2007-03-29T15:36:00.000-05:00

lets begin with the good stuff...the race itself! A short video can be seen here, complete with roaring sound. For true effect turn your speakers to 11. (not recommended, as it can't compare to really being there)

Its about 90 miles from Knoxville to Bristol so we started the morning off right at Waffle House...mmmmm...grits and eggs and bacon and waffles....

The drive was traffic ridden and would stop and start randomly, for no good reason - then again an extra 100,000 folks on the road will do that. Itts right in the heart of the Smoky Mountains and along the way we passed the birthplace of Davy Crockett, the exit to Dollywood, and a ton of those heinously self-righteous "Message from God" billboards, cars with "W 04" stickers, and the very rare Confederate flag - something I didnt expect to see so little of. This month's MOJO magazine CD got us through most of the trip - thanks Iggy Pop for picking such great songs the Mothers of Invention, Trashmen, Bo Diddley, MC5, etc) that Dad and I could actually sing along to.

More in a bit.....

Bristol Boogity Boogity

2007-03-26T17:55:00.000-05:00

Spent the past 36 hours in Knoxville/Bristol Tennessee for the Food City 500, AKA a Very Loud NASCAR Race with 160,000 other sweaty rednecks, such as myself.

PART I: Escape from New Jersey

My flight was the Newark to Knoxville Express. Surprisingly, a popular flight (full both ways).

The story starts at home in Astoria. The check in time for the flight was 3:15pm for a 4pm departure. Fine. I can do this. I leave home at 12:35, am on a moving N train by 1245, and I arrive at Penn Station just about 1:15pm.

I walk over to the PATH terminal, where I am surprised to find Absolutely No Signage pointing the correct way to the Newark airport.

After asking about ten befuddled New Jerseyites, one finally pipes up and tells me to take this line to Journal Square, then to transfer to Newark line, then to hit the air train from there. Fine and dandy.

I wait 15 mintues for a PATH train to even show up. Then an announcement comes over the PA.

"Due to Track work all Journal Square bound trains terminate at 9th street. Transfer at 9th Street for a Journal Square bound train."

I momentarily contemplate hopping a cab to Port Authority and grabbing a bus, but I figure I'm already there and once I transfer, all will be well.

Jesus, if only.

As the train pulls into Penn Station and the lemmings pile on, the man who gave me directions before then says -- "Oh, and this train goes to Hoboken, then to Journal Square."

Wha-- HOBOKEN? What the flip - "Trackwork" he says, "They do this on the weekends."

GREAT. THANKS FOR POSTING FUCKING SIGNS.

So now Im on a death car to 9th street, where we all pile out, and then another PACKED car takes 10 minutes to empty, then we all PILE IN again and head to HOBOKEN, where we proceed to sit in the station for 10 minutes.

Its now 1:45 pm. I'm only one stop into Jersey and things are not looking promising.
The thing about the Newark-Knoxville flight is that there's only ONE departure a day. So if I miss this, I miss the trip entirely.

Finally we get to Journal Square. Its 2:00. We walk across the platform to the Newark bound train and proceed to wait another 15 minutes for a Newark bound train. I feel like Jack Bauer for a split second as I hear the BLIP - BLIP! BLIP - BLIP! of the 24 theme song in my head...

Things are looking worse. Im panicky. Not good.

At 2:16 the train pulls in. I jump on. Two stops later, boom, Newark. Time is 2:25.

Exit the train, run down the stairs, ask someone IN A NEW JERSEY TRANSIT UNIFORM "Where is the Airtrain?", only to recieve a vacant stare.

I run down 2 more flights of stairs and am in...a food court.

No signs saying TO AIRPORT, TO BUSES, nothing. Just an Information booth wtih ONE sad looking person working there and ONE PERSON ahead of me in line who is complaining that he doesnt want to take a bus to Secaucus and why cant he just take the train and why is it so expensive and Im a senior citizen and what is the discoutn rate AND JESUS CHRIST IM ABOUT TO MISS MY FLIPPING FLIGHT TO THE CAR RACE YOU ASSHAT GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY SO I CAN GET SOME INFORMATION!!

I mull my options. I have no idea where the airport is, or how to get there from here, or how long its going to take. The terminal I'm in is apparently IN Newark, but where is beyond me.

I RUN to a ticket counter that says NEW JERSEY TRANSIT; I cut in front of two people in line and frantically hand the attendant a $20 and scream

I NEED TO GET TO THE NEWARK AIRPORT NOW !! HOW DO I DO THAT?!

He gives me a ticket and tells me to run up the stairs, the train may already have left.

ALREADY HAVE LEFT!?

Shit. The departure time on the ticket is 2:32. I look at the clock. Its 2:31.

When is the next train, I ask?

"3:14", he says calmly.

I run like I've never run before up 4 flights of stairs and am greeted to an arriving Amtrak train.

I scream at the conductor IS THIS THE TRAIN TO NEWARK AIRPORT?! Confused, he says yes, I get on, the train pulls out, I go exactly 3 miles on this Amtrak, and then am told to exit here for the Air Train to the airport.

I run off the Amtrak at 2:39, run down 3 more flights of stairs, and run onto the Air train, which may as well be called the Air Snail Train as a child on roller skates goes faster, and get to the terminal I'm departing from.

I clear security quickly, considering the line. (And FYI, YELLING at people to take their fucking Ziploc bags of travel sized goo out does not do much to aid flyer calm, TSA at Newark Airport)

I check the departure gate...here it is...Newark to Knoxville...gate 125.

Of course, gate 125 is at the ASS end of the terminal.

I check my watch. 3:12 pm.

I run, run, run.

I get to the gate, breathless. The time is exactly 3:16pm.

And the flight is delayed.

NEXT TIME, PART II : How did a Red State like Tennessee ever elect Al Gore?

Leni, you ignorant slut

2007-03-13T13:55:00.000-05:00

http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/books/2007/03/19/070319crbo_books_thurman

if only Aykroyd uttered that to her and not Jane. Alas, two books on Leni are out, and the conclusions them same: slut for the nazis.

Tom Brady's Dumb Jock Repopulation Program

2007-03-08T14:52:00.001-05:00

A Brazilian website reported yesterday that Tom Brady's girlfriend Gisele Bundchen may be pregnant and, if so, the Pats QB is the father. According to the popular celebrity website Glamurama.com.br , Bundchen would be no more than two months pregnant, but may already have told select friends and family.
Two weeks ago, Brady's ex-girlfriend actress Bridget Moynahan revealed she's pregnant, and Brady is the father.

they're a match made in heaven...a dumb jock and a dumb model.

In other news, the Dolphins sign one of the NFL's best LB's, Joey Porter, and dump Cooper City High's Olindo Mare in favor of the Giants' Jay Feely. A good move - Olindo has passed his peak and has had two "off" years. Then again look what happened when the Pats dumped Vinateri a few years back.

Its A Girl!

2007-03-03T12:55:00.000-05:00

WELCOME:
Ayla Morgan Sansone
8lb, 2oz.
1:17am
3/3/07

making Rik officially - "Uncle Rik" and me, "Aunt Jen"...and of course Dick and Sandy are now "Grandpa and Gramma"...

MAZEL TOV!
MAZEL TOV!
MAZEL TOV!

a natural birth, 24 hrs of labor, and a BabyZilla to show for it.

Get Your Flippin' Flu Shots, Peopl e

2007-03-02T16:34:00.000-05:00

My ENTIRE OFFICE has the flu. No, really, I mean it. 7 people, NONE of whom showed up today. I got my flu shot but apparently they all didn't. Seriously, people, whazzup wit dat.
Theres too many freakadelic germs in this town NOT to get one.

In other news, Rik is going to be an uncle any minute now. Rik being, well, Rik, my partner. I loathe "boyfriend" or "significant other ". Its the first baby in the family and at least it takes the pressure off of me.
So its time to crank up WMXJ.

Rawk

Taking the Blog Plunge

2007-03-01T14:32:00.000-05:00

Well, why not. Its 2007, right, and your life is supposed to be an open book. Dont expect dirt, dish, or anything other than randomness here, with the occasional brilliant thought, LOST theory, ranting about the Dolphins or NASCAR, my brother's upcoming wedding, my two fatty cats, and life in gorgeous, cutthroat NYC.