Michael Vick Can't Leave the House

ahahahaaaaaaaaaaa

A urine sample submitted by Michael Vick has tested positive for marijuana, and as a result he'll have tighter restrictions on his freedom.

The test was taken on Sept. 13. Because of the positive test, federal court probation officer Patricia Locket-Ross, who is assigned to Vick, asked Judge Henry Hudson to place special conditions on Vick's release, which include refraining from use or unlawful possession of a narcotic drug or other controlled substance.

Also, Vick must submit to any method of testing at any time.

Methods of testing could include urine testing, the wearing of a "sweat patch," a remote alcohol testing system and/or any form of prohibited substance screening or testing.

Vick must also participate in a program of inpatient or outpatient substance therapy and mental health counseling if the pretrial services officer or supervising officer deem it appropriate.

Vick is also now restricted to his residence every day from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. or as directed by the pretrial services officer. The home confinement will include electronic monitoring.

The Story so far.

Helio Castroneves is hot and can drive really, really fast. Apparently he can also dance. This is not a big surprise, as he is Latino.

Brooklyn's Domino Sugar Factory finally earns "landmark" status.

THE PATRIOTS ARE DEFINITELY CHEATERS AND THE NFL IS COVERING FOR THEM! Dammit all to hell, I love football. Guess I need to find a new sport. The Dolphins really stink this year so maybe its not the worst thing in the world.

Feed the Actresses PLEASE

WHY WHY WHY...does Hollywood equate starvation with TALENT and require it of its minions?!?


THIS is what eating disorders REALLY look like. (warning: graphic link)

KEIRA...YOU NEED FORCE FEEDING...


and YOU JENNA JAMESON.... COLLAR BONES AND FAKE BOOBS ARE NOT SEXY!!!!


AND WHY COURTNEY WHY...you may be crazy but YOU CAN EAT and BE NUTS AT THE SAME TIME....

Tuesday Musings Etc Etc Etc

There no gays in Iran. Or the Catholic Church. Good to know!

Read the transcript of our little tin-plated dictator puto here!

Dario Franchitti enters the NASCAR fray.

How many joints in a medical marijuana prescription? Talk to the cops and enter the debate. (LEGALIZE IT ...NOW!!)

SNL loses its only somwhat funny castmember, Maya Rudolph. When will this show get a bullet in the head?

Tony, mein liepschen. NEVER trust the Brits when it comes to cooking anything. EVER. Fun to watch, yes, but their "gourmet" food, even though its now receiving "Raves", for the most part, sucks. If you saw last nights NO RESERVATIONS you'll know what I mean. Crikey, Tony, I learned the meatballs ALWAYS stay apart from the spaghetti from my Italian Mother, Geraldine Bianco, in 1979. My dear sweet fantasy man, how dare you whip up carbonara with meatballs? Can we say BLECH? I love you Tony, but next time try a Batali or Bastanatich cookbook when it comes to Italian. Get the caponata from a jar like I do. No one can tell the difference. Better yet, just call me. I'll even babysit!